Rejection

Hello again my lovely non existent readers ,now as you know I’m in secondary or high school and this post is going to scream teenage angst .So if your not interested i hope to see you again when I finish being a ball of hormones and salty snacks.

Right so you can hear about meltdowns or whatever on any autism blog. But what you rarely get us first hand accounts of everyday normal people things that we’ll all do. What you normally get is a bunch of bs about how we’d never change and how we express our selves  and any one who s been around for a while knows my opinions on autism mum blogs . I’ve never seen anything done by an autistic teen before and I’m sure it’s out there but I want to be out here to for people like me who can relate to me .That can relate to my unfiltered stories of what autism is like after you factor in puberty and school and friendships and toxic friendships and all the general sh*t life hurls at you.The other reason is purely selfish and that is because I’m the strong one i pick myself up when I fall down i suck it up and i keep going at sometimes that attitude gets me no where.I have people i can trust it doesn’t mean i can string the words and the cocktail of feelings together to tell them.All i can do is helplessly repeat  I’m over it now  luck a stick record when quite clearly in not but theres no point perusing me on it im just  too stubborn.You my non existent readers can’t judge me you don’t know me i could tell you i murdered someone and there’s not much you can do you are strangers and here behind my screen i can sit comfortably hidden by my screename. So today my readers in talking about crushes and rejection,which brings us back to the aforementioned angst ,today you are my confidant.

So theres this guy Mattais ,or as far as you know he is.Okay Mattais is my friend… my very attractive (oops who said that) Notice the word friend i told myself that for months but I’m stubborn not even i could convince myself to stop liking him.If you asked me when I first met him Is he handsome ?,Would you date him? I wouldve looked at you like you’d turned a funny shade of purple and said

1 He’s a need he only talks about halo and fortnite and the fact he can speak two other languages ,which I won’t tell you about due to my incurable paranoia someone i know will see this.

2 His glasses make his face look too short -if your wondering they Wi-Fi don’t want to date the alien emoji

3 Height difference much and he likes to say he has a six  pack he doesn’t (boy was i wrong P.S you were warned.)

Rundown of mattiases (how did the doctor say i was high functioning hard botched grammar and a half) personality:

Acts like a f* ck boy  but is sensitive and no I’m not saying that in  an attempt to redeem him if I was clouded by his charm or whatever they say in romance novels i would say so I have chronic cynicism the guy cries over test scores

He’ s popular ???

He has a bunch of friends but he never really fits in it kinda feels like he’s an add on to the group.You think his surrounded by friends you being one of them but when you look into it no one really knows him when it comes down to it

Our first real conversation was about asked movie jokes he said i like singing i like dancing and before he could finish i scream i like trains which come to think of it is probably the whole reason where friends is because I was among the only people in my class who got the reference…honestly explains a lot

He makes fun of me so much he’s always got a new impression of me and various tones of voices to make fun of me he narrates my life he brings up all the times I’ve been a  spaz, not in a mean way ,he makes my fun of my hand writing he play fights me if I put my hair in a bun he tries to get things in the little dip at the top.

He has well dickish behaviour sometimes .My friend Isla asked someone out and he went round to tell everyone when I pull him up on it he never apologise but he stops and sometimes tries to fix  things.

I’m going to have to split this in 3 parts for it to make sense in thinking meet the person who ruined my life, the emotionally traumatic part and then the after math anyway see you soon my non existent readers -Rose C

Ps.click here to see an accurate representation of me latleyhttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xD-Huwlg2kY

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