The return of rose

Hi hello hey  iys rose I’m alive how’s life my lovely non existent readers I’ve done some updates on the site I have some more cohesive parts coming up and I just thought I’d have a little random part here because I feel like writing today .Btw the parts about my rejection I changed he who shall not be named names to miles as I realised his previous name was to close to reality for my liking and I’ve fixed my spelling honestly I’m surprised you poor sods could read any of it my spelling was so terrible (in fairness 90% of this was written well past midnight ) I’ve switched to doing this on my phone now instead of my tablet with the dodgy auto correct -yet I managed to spell things like atrocious right wow I really am only half functional. So I guess I’ll just use the rest of this part to give you guys an upset though none of it wiĺl be that interesting you guys don’t even know me in person and your most likely done with my theatrics

Miles (told ya I changed his name)            okay so he has been 50 shades of passive aggressive he friend ignoring me that didn’t work I’m just to flamboyant he’s tried blaming me

And he’s made comments on my self esteem and other really deep things denied saying it’s just the way he is but I am responsible for everything and he’s been the kind of mine which hurts you but if you bring it up you look pretty like what the he’ll society please can my feelings be valid for once  and then trying to be my best friend 2 minutes later

Montage of all the ways miles has been well .. him

*happy montage music * if you want to really embrace your inner cynic open a tag and play some now

Scene one *art class*,                                            Me:hey Daniel can I have the black paint

Miles : black like your self esteem

Scene 2

Me*roasts every one including miles on group chat *

Everyone *starts roast battle *

Miles*is out of order to Emily and Lorraine

Miles it’s only banter

Miles rose your a shy Cyclops that thinks she’s so funny when she’s not

Me where flex but ok

*private chat *

Miles what do you want with me why are you so can rude all the time                  me b***h wtf (thats what I should’ve said anyways

Scene 3

Me *exists *

Miles *stares*

Me what

Miles Your cheek bones stick out so much it looks like you have tennis balls in your mouth

Scene 4

Miles*somehow acquires girlfriend *

Miles*tells Georgia *

Miles tell rose for me

Georgia *tries to bond over liking some guy *

Me *looses will to live *

Scene 5

Me *is self *

Miles you need to stop trying too hard

Courtney:leave

Miles no

Me *leaves and is crying *

Miles* follows*

Miles :I was talking do you have any manners look at people when they speak to you

Scene six (happens many times

Miles who want to play fortnite

Me sure

Miles yeah I’ll invite you

Miles *is clearly online and playing fortnite.. in a party *

Scene 7

Miles* is annoying for 30 minutes *

Me *playfully (as in joking though apparently he can’t wrap his disproportionate head around that*shut up you spaz

Miles you ruin all my fun your put of order all the time you dont have one nice thing to say about me can you just learn to stay out no one asked for your opinion

What I should’ve said

Me well I’m sorry but they’re my friends too our hall entire friendship is either mutual interests or back and forth insults what do you want me to do scream miles I’m grateful for your friendships between each breath

What I said

…..*looks bewildered is silent for an hour *

5 minutesater

Miles*sits at table * hey rose  *grabs my paper thingy (what it was was isn’t importan)t and writes my Nick name on it

Also  he talks to my friend more when were arguing it’s like you hate me so much why the he’ll do you keep putting yourself in the same place as me

 

Isn’t he lovely

Georgia

She says she still wants to be my friends and we go on this trip thing she doesn’t go to the meeting cos she can’t be bothered .there’s a spare space in my room she could’ve had she gets Molly to tell me she can’t even tell me to my face she then lies to me and say it’s too late for it to change and everything is set in stone it wasn’t shed know that if she was at the meeting I confront her a month later and all the sudden it’s Molly who wanted me gone like yeah right she’s no longer obsessed with miles and it hurts more that there’s no reason for her to hate me but much like most people she hates me for no reason she thought I was fun saw me for what I was the left  I don’t think she ever liked me she just used me to add to her friends list to make her look popular and because courtney Molly Lola and Imogen liked me

My anxiety

It’s still present my parents phoned me one day and said I was having counselling it’s nice but they told me it was my decision and then went back on that promise so that was great

Other

Somehow some human found me atractive  and asked me out I said no even though they where nice because self destructive tendencies I may elaborate on this at some point

Anyway I’m happy to be back and I hoped you enjoyed this I never thought any one would read anything I created yet here we are it’s actually kinda amazing and your from all over the world it’s actually to exciting can if you don’t mind could you leave me some questions in the comments so I know what you want me to write about that would be great

-Rose X

 

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Mission miles

If you haven’t read the last two parts please do .This part is probably going to be the funniest par t before next time which goes into the emotional carnege…excellent.I’m going to try to make the opening short this time as we embark on my tale of rejection.

Our plan is set out path is clear  our squad is assembled via WhatsApp video call we are ready. Sandras at mine were sitting outside even though it’s mid October and to cope with my nerves were listening to music and I’m chugging cold water like there’s no tommorow. I stall for thirty minutes before weakly typing  into our chat and I wait …and I wait …. and I wait. Me and my friends go through every possible scenario while we wait 1 .He could be busy 2maybe his phones dead people’s phones die right? right ? 3 He knows, he has mother effing superpowers he knows and he is going to let me know that he knows and then it’ll be awkward because I don’t know how he knows but he knows and yes that’s not going to happen but seriously guys .WHAT.IF.HE KNOWS. To add to the suspense I will now read the note  to you (well it’s been altered in case he some how finds this ) and add in as many useless details as possible so you can feel the pain I felt ,slough I suppose it’s not particularly painful for you but we just don’t adress that problem. Anyway here is loosely what it said this is going to be awkward but here we go I’ve liked you for ages.I used to think you liked me back but now I know that’s not true. I didn’t know if I’d ever do this I’m sorry I could never do this to your face .Please don’t tell I know you probably will regardless .I didn’t do this sooner coz Georgia.let’s still be friend screw this I’m out .

It’s around the two hour mark and I start stemming like crazy I’ve shaked my had and tapped my foot so many times they feel like separate entities to my body I have my self pins and needles and slapped my desk to regain feeling to my hands I am a ball of nervous energy . At four hours I loose it i text him “I need to ask you something”.When I receive no reply for thirty minutes  my friends start counting down and peer pressure happens without thinking of what happens if he picks up I call him beep beep ——- the phone is put down . In an instance I feel the world fall down around me I know that sounds so dramatic and most of you are shaking your heads and putting whispering cliche teenager dissaprovingly under your breaths but in that moment . I felt it . it’s like when you get caught doing something as a little kid ,or when someone repeats something you said that they weren’t meant to hear , or a phone call late at night and you know nothing good can come of it.The wait for him to respond was a rollercoaster and I had reached the top. I cry to my friends other face time it didn’t look good he could surely assume what was coming and as soon as he saw it it would get around.They try to convince me his phone was dead but that doesn’t explain the initial beeps .

I am defeated the rest  of my friends have long since left  as the hours are growing later.Early for  Was and just as I’m ready to go to bed or more accurately sit and watch particle fall for 8hours ,because how do you sleep after that?I go through all my messages one more time .. He has responded .Our conversations goes roughly as follows

Rose:I need to ask you something

Him:what

Rose:swear you won’t tell

Him:what is it

Rose: *insert more I’ve spent the note five hours obsessing over here *

Rose :It think I already know the answer

Him: And that is

Rose:No???????

Him:I don’t know  what to say

Rose :I don’t think I would

Him:it’s not too surprising but still(side track what in the actual hell does it’s not too surprising mean dose he think his some kind of atractivness God or am I really that obvious )

Rose:yeah it did come out of the blue

Him: ya think

Me:Just don’t tell anyone okay even if you say no I wont be hurt won’t

Him:I am a lost voice

well go over the answer in the next part .I also told Georgia but that also takes a long time and for what was meant to be two parts may soon become five .I understand most of you are older than me because for some reason there isn’t exactly an influx of teenagers reading aspergers blogs on WordPress so this is probably teenage nonsense to you so if you enjoy me writing about this please leave a comment so I know that I’m not boring all of you lovely non existent readers also let me know if there is anything you want to hear my view on because I have some ideas but it would be great to know what you actually find interesting I’m going to go because it’s getting later and later see you in my next instalment of this train wreck -Rose X

 

a funny type of love

Hello again my non existent readers ,I’m sorry I haven’t been around for a while long story short school happened and I’ve had no desire to get out of my pyjamas let alone drag my self to then pc to write.

People assume that autistic people are empty echoing shells baron of emotion devoid of love . But if anything I think we are the opposite we feel too much  we cry over little things we get angry and scream and shout because we care our outbursts are justified not to you but to us . We love and we feel sadness and anger and betrayal and hurt like everyone else does. Our love isn’t normal to most its a funny kind of love but its there all the same .

Just like you normal people we love our friends families we get crushes later in life we get boyfriends and even get married .Its ridiculous that this is even a stereotype. For me personally I feel love very strongly I just never know how to show it so it comes out awkward and strange. I remember the first time I ever asked some one out I had liked them for years I just thought that if I left it  it would go away but it didn’t. And I told this girl Orla   we were kind of friends at the time and  she promised 3 times she would wait till I was ready .Heads up she didn’t .She did it for me .In front of his friends .  Not my best moment.. Ahh don’t you just love reliving you child hood trauma ..actually that was only a year ago but two year ago trauma doesn’t sound right so deal with it. Any way moving on   he walked up to me and went is what Orla said is true and I kinda awkwardly    mumbled yeah  and it he tried to make a  joke of it more for me then him .I always kinda suspected he was autistic his brother was and at our school they take autistic people deaf people any kind of disabilities to the school for a tour before moving up and there was nothing else that I could possibly think of so it was oddly suspicious plus are demeanour was very similar either way I’m  glad it was him  and not any one else

bye my non existent readers I’m glad to be back and I hope you enjoyed the cringy anecdote in this post I should hopefully upload again soon see you later

-Rose xx