Rejection 2 the back story revisited

Okay so that last part was getting long .I’m going to have to split this into..well I don’t know the draft looks four parts but I don’t know the other parts will also most likely go up today.So with our further addue here is part two (what is this doctor Seuss )

Right back to where we were we’ll get you keyed up on the context so I’m going to introduce you to the people in going to talk about and then give a brief time line.

Georgia

Georgia is OBSESSED with him.She called what was essentially public dibs on him on a school trip and the rest is history.I hear you oh so non existent readers so what she’s not even close to him rose so what some girl likes him …. well I made really close friends with her .Just to elaborate on the obsession her BFF Lola jokingly said she was pregnant with his kid(don’t you just wish you could bleach your mind) she said she liked the name Maisie the baby shower would be orange- his favourite colour -and I quote the baby would have his sexy and his sexy tan and his sexy smile then I left the table to grab my book  and when I came back she said it was  goood I do not want to know the contents of that conversation.Like Georgia  i doubt you were even wearing a real bra yet calm yourself (I know I said it was doctor  Seuss but this is turning Louise rennison  real quick)

Ella-may

She convinced me to put me first for once and do if I wanted to because Georgia doesn’t give up as I write this she’s asked him out four times.She convinced me not to just sit back and get hurt

Courtney

Georgia’s close friend at my confidant she kept me Sane through out this process.Georgia and I are just as close to her so she felt a little guilty and I briefly thought she  told them it was my turn to be guilty she’s been so great .

Sandra

Thank God she was around she was the only one who could comfort me due in my mini panic attacks and she helped me through the after math .I  would have ran of a cliff by now if it wasn’t for her

Milly

Thought it would be fun to watch .If you’re a sadist then she was right .Just kidding she was great too.

Jade

My childhood friend I hadn’t seen in ages was there to make me laugh .She succeeded at her job

Timeline

September 2017                                                                                      I meet him in all his nerdy  haloness .

Early October 2017                                                                                I definitely like him now every time  i can’t sleep I wait up till 11:11and wish for him to like me

Early October  2017 to January.                                                           He is my closest guy friends not tell him all my secrets close but I f we sit  boy girl I always go straight to him we hang out at break on occasion

January 2018

I make friends with Georgia a little

May 2018                                                                                                  Georgia happens he is now called dibs upon

I’m not sure where to fit this in  because it goes in with a lot of the others   march – late May  flirt mania he catches my eye across class rooms and smiles pulls faces at me during register so I’ll laugh he’ll just do anything to make me laugh .Some people genuinely thought we were dating on the sly ….I wish .I was briefly convinced he was gonna ask me out but it just wasn’t going to happen

April to late May.                                                                                   Michelle is Michelle i don’t feel like laughing so I ignore him after breaks and in lessons were Michelle is also in our class i feel bad but he won’t leave it so I snap .Eventually I always give in and laugh but sometimes he won’t joke with me for weeks at a time .

June ?

I tell Courtney at first I didn’t want to but peer pressure happened so I told her and she was fine with it.

~Summer holidays ~

I thought I’d get over it heads up I didnt

I become closer and closer to  Georgia

I decide to ask him out by January 2019 you’ll find out why this can’t happen soon

I start to construct the type of notes I want to give to him none of them are good but I don’t really care much

I obsessively discuss every possible situation with Sandra I spend most of my summer thinking of his jawline I can’t help it .

~Summer holidays over ~

September 2018.                                                                                 He says he’s leaving in May …safe to say I am not best impressed to learn this

Late September 2018 my plan is ready i will do it the day before the October holidays start that way he has one day to respond in person of he wants  .I have my note. If you read the previous part you know what happened to Isla  I’m worried it will be the same this way if he says  notes only got  a day to spread it before we have two weeks of he’s still going on about it then he’s going to look sad not me that also means I have two weeks to move on . If he says he’s we have four months before we have to decide weather or not to break up when he moved He is a bit big  headed times he likes to talk about how many girls liked him in scared I will join this list. I don’t want for him to tell Georgia and hurt her but it’s a chance I will have to take or I’ll never move on i just have to bite the bullet and do it . I m going to face time all the friends I mentioned before minus Georgia so that I have people around when I inevitably get rejected which I already anticipated.

October 11th

When the plan was first out to fever I started a count down it is now a week till I do it I scream SEVEN DAYS KILL ME NOW ar any given opportunity  it’s true I would’ve rather died there and then .(coincidentally the 11th is also my birthday )

October 13th                                                                                           At a friends birthday party she talks about another girl who asks him out and how she wouldn’t have been as hurt if she’s said something before doing it .Not that she should need permission he’s not even hers. Anyway I decide to tell her after I do it before he does .I find a loop hole so she won’t be as mad I only tell him I like him I never ask him if he likes me or if he’ll go out with me that way of we end up dating it his fault .(great reasoning )

18th of October well I suppose we’ll find out

thanks for reading guys I’m going to upload more soon I’m sorry if this isn’t your kind of  thing this probably seem s childish and so cheesy honestly I will probably want to slap my self when I look back on this but don’t we all get embarrassed by our last selves everyone reading this most likely thinks it’s stupid that I turned this into a military operation but autism plus and nerves don’t go well they create an avalanche of anxiety so I had to plan so that  I wouldn’t back out..My life has become something out of a romcom honestly any way I hope to see you soon good bye my lovely non existent readers – Rose X

 

 

 

 

a funny type of love

Hello again my non existent readers ,I’m sorry I haven’t been around for a while long story short school happened and I’ve had no desire to get out of my pyjamas let alone drag my self to then pc to write.

People assume that autistic people are empty echoing shells baron of emotion devoid of love . But if anything I think we are the opposite we feel too much  we cry over little things we get angry and scream and shout because we care our outbursts are justified not to you but to us . We love and we feel sadness and anger and betrayal and hurt like everyone else does. Our love isn’t normal to most its a funny kind of love but its there all the same .

Just like you normal people we love our friends families we get crushes later in life we get boyfriends and even get married .Its ridiculous that this is even a stereotype. For me personally I feel love very strongly I just never know how to show it so it comes out awkward and strange. I remember the first time I ever asked some one out I had liked them for years I just thought that if I left it  it would go away but it didn’t. And I told this girl Orla   we were kind of friends at the time and  she promised 3 times she would wait till I was ready .Heads up she didn’t .She did it for me .In front of his friends .  Not my best moment.. Ahh don’t you just love reliving you child hood trauma ..actually that was only a year ago but two year ago trauma doesn’t sound right so deal with it. Any way moving on   he walked up to me and went is what Orla said is true and I kinda awkwardly    mumbled yeah  and it he tried to make a  joke of it more for me then him .I always kinda suspected he was autistic his brother was and at our school they take autistic people deaf people any kind of disabilities to the school for a tour before moving up and there was nothing else that I could possibly think of so it was oddly suspicious plus are demeanour was very similar either way I’m  glad it was him  and not any one else

bye my non existent readers I’m glad to be back and I hope you enjoyed the cringy anecdote in this post I should hopefully upload again soon see you later

-Rose xx