The return of rose

Hi hello hey  iys rose I’m alive how’s life my lovely non existent readers I’ve done some updates on the site I have some more cohesive parts coming up and I just thought I’d have a little random part here because I feel like writing today .Btw the parts about my rejection I changed he who shall not be named names to miles as I realised his previous name was to close to reality for my liking and I’ve fixed my spelling honestly I’m surprised you poor sods could read any of it my spelling was so terrible (in fairness 90% of this was written well past midnight ) I’ve switched to doing this on my phone now instead of my tablet with the dodgy auto correct -yet I managed to spell things like atrocious right wow I really am only half functional. So I guess I’ll just use the rest of this part to give you guys an upset though none of it wiĺl be that interesting you guys don’t even know me in person and your most likely done with my theatrics

Miles (told ya I changed his name)            okay so he has been 50 shades of passive aggressive he friend ignoring me that didn’t work I’m just to flamboyant he’s tried blaming me

And he’s made comments on my self esteem and other really deep things denied saying it’s just the way he is but I am responsible for everything and he’s been the kind of mine which hurts you but if you bring it up you look pretty like what the he’ll society please can my feelings be valid for once  and then trying to be my best friend 2 minutes later

Montage of all the ways miles has been well .. him

*happy montage music * if you want to really embrace your inner cynic open a tag and play some now

Scene one *art class*,                                            Me:hey Daniel can I have the black paint

Miles : black like your self esteem

Scene 2

Me*roasts every one including miles on group chat *

Everyone *starts roast battle *

Miles*is out of order to Emily and Lorraine

Miles it’s only banter

Miles rose your a shy Cyclops that thinks she’s so funny when she’s not

Me where flex but ok

*private chat *

Miles what do you want with me why are you so can rude all the time                  me b***h wtf (thats what I should’ve said anyways

Scene 3

Me *exists *

Miles *stares*

Me what

Miles Your cheek bones stick out so much it looks like you have tennis balls in your mouth

Scene 4

Miles*somehow acquires girlfriend *

Miles*tells Georgia *

Miles tell rose for me

Georgia *tries to bond over liking some guy *

Me *looses will to live *

Scene 5

Me *is self *

Miles you need to stop trying too hard

Courtney:leave

Miles no

Me *leaves and is crying *

Miles* follows*

Miles :I was talking do you have any manners look at people when they speak to you

Scene six (happens many times

Miles who want to play fortnite

Me sure

Miles yeah I’ll invite you

Miles *is clearly online and playing fortnite.. in a party *

Scene 7

Miles* is annoying for 30 minutes *

Me *playfully (as in joking though apparently he can’t wrap his disproportionate head around that*shut up you spaz

Miles you ruin all my fun your put of order all the time you dont have one nice thing to say about me can you just learn to stay out no one asked for your opinion

What I should’ve said

Me well I’m sorry but they’re my friends too our hall entire friendship is either mutual interests or back and forth insults what do you want me to do scream miles I’m grateful for your friendships between each breath

What I said

…..*looks bewildered is silent for an hour *

5 minutesater

Miles*sits at table * hey rose  *grabs my paper thingy (what it was was isn’t importan)t and writes my Nick name on it

Also  he talks to my friend more when were arguing it’s like you hate me so much why the he’ll do you keep putting yourself in the same place as me

 

Isn’t he lovely

Georgia

She says she still wants to be my friends and we go on this trip thing she doesn’t go to the meeting cos she can’t be bothered .there’s a spare space in my room she could’ve had she gets Molly to tell me she can’t even tell me to my face she then lies to me and say it’s too late for it to change and everything is set in stone it wasn’t shed know that if she was at the meeting I confront her a month later and all the sudden it’s Molly who wanted me gone like yeah right she’s no longer obsessed with miles and it hurts more that there’s no reason for her to hate me but much like most people she hates me for no reason she thought I was fun saw me for what I was the left  I don’t think she ever liked me she just used me to add to her friends list to make her look popular and because courtney Molly Lola and Imogen liked me

My anxiety

It’s still present my parents phoned me one day and said I was having counselling it’s nice but they told me it was my decision and then went back on that promise so that was great

Other

Somehow some human found me atractive  and asked me out I said no even though they where nice because self destructive tendencies I may elaborate on this at some point

Anyway I’m happy to be back and I hoped you enjoyed this I never thought any one would read anything I created yet here we are it’s actually kinda amazing and your from all over the world it’s actually to exciting can if you don’t mind could you leave me some questions in the comments so I know what you want me to write about that would be great

-Rose X

 

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Can I get an answer??

Well get straight into it this time of you haven’t seen the last parts please do and here we go

It’s my birthday party I decide to ask him for an answer because my friends are there and ready for me.So we sit on my trampoline and I start texting now what was said was very specific so this isn’t even partly what he said it’s just enough for you to get the picture

Rose:can we talk about what happened

Him:in a bit for to eat

Rose:okay seya

Him:I’m back

Rose:I don’t want you to feel pressured but I kinda need an awnser

Him:you don’t NEED one

Rose :I do

Him:your nice I like you but that’s it

Rose:I don’t get it

Him:you don’t seem to get a lot of things

Rose:look just give me a straight yes or no I don’t care if you think I’m literal scrum I just want answers

~10 minutes of inside jokes and stalling later ~

Rose:Just answer

Him 80% like you

Him:20% just wanna stay comfortable friends

Brief intermission so me and my friends can decipher weather or not that’s  yes or no and if he’s letting me down gently by saying he likes me but then why is that 80% like wtf dude . It never said how he likes me I think I may have just gotten friendzoned but I can’t say for sure .

Rose: look I know things are awkward and I’m sorry if I screwed things up but I need straight answers if you need time I don’t mind I hope this doesn’t stop us being friends but please just awnse r me

Him:rounded up I like you back but I don’t think we’d last together

which if he had paid attention he’s notice that I never asked him for a relationship I asked him if he likes me back to which he said …yes?????????????(infinate question marks )

SPOILER I didn’t get it at this point so I’m about to be stupid and push it

Rose: I still want yes or no it’s really not to hard

Him:I can’t give you one answer but I like you a little

so  in short my answer was yes … But no yes he likes me but no not even he would date that mess (are you noticing a pattern in my life here )

Okay so  were up to speed and now is where the story ends and the rant  begins ,1 )We didn’t have a relationship nothing was followed up. So it was a no just tell me no I can deal with you saying no in a big girl I can handle it for the love just tell me no so I don’t have to decipher your cryptic message, so don’t have to sit up till three am reading it, so I don’t have to psycho analyse it so I don’t figure out what it means literally when I wrote the first post .Evidently you couldn’t have liked me that much of you said no.2)Don’t erase it from your life when we went back he was able to act seamlessly not a single hint of a side glance. It was like that day never happened anyone on the outside wouldn’t even know I honestly feel like I’ve been placed in an alternate universe where I backed out and nothing happened .My friends want me to ask him if he has an awnser again but  it’s too late now so I guess I will just keep waiting for a text message that will never come .3)Don’t be passive aggressive the only clue it ever happened  there’s this vine or a tiktok meme that goes don’t you even like me a little bit …no I don’t even like you a little bit (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QJbW_bN4Vcc here it is watch at your own risk ) he only ever sings it when I’m on his table ….it’s actually takes so much will power to push him across the room. And well talk about Georgia and continue the actual story tomorrow but I would’ve lost my sanity pleas well me if your getting bored of  my teenage angst because of if you are I’ll finish it here but I hoped you  enjoyed it I will see you all soon and please comment any thing you want me to write about and I hope to see you soon -Rose X

Mission miles

If you haven’t read the last two parts please do .This part is probably going to be the funniest par t before next time which goes into the emotional carnege…excellent.I’m going to try to make the opening short this time as we embark on my tale of rejection.

Our plan is set out path is clear  our squad is assembled via WhatsApp video call we are ready. Sandras at mine were sitting outside even though it’s mid October and to cope with my nerves were listening to music and I’m chugging cold water like there’s no tommorow. I stall for thirty minutes before weakly typing  into our chat and I wait …and I wait …. and I wait. Me and my friends go through every possible scenario while we wait 1 .He could be busy 2maybe his phones dead people’s phones die right? right ? 3 He knows, he has mother effing superpowers he knows and he is going to let me know that he knows and then it’ll be awkward because I don’t know how he knows but he knows and yes that’s not going to happen but seriously guys .WHAT.IF.HE KNOWS. To add to the suspense I will now read the note  to you (well it’s been altered in case he some how finds this ) and add in as many useless details as possible so you can feel the pain I felt ,slough I suppose it’s not particularly painful for you but we just don’t adress that problem. Anyway here is loosely what it said this is going to be awkward but here we go I’ve liked you for ages.I used to think you liked me back but now I know that’s not true. I didn’t know if I’d ever do this I’m sorry I could never do this to your face .Please don’t tell I know you probably will regardless .I didn’t do this sooner coz Georgia.let’s still be friend screw this I’m out .

It’s around the two hour mark and I start stemming like crazy I’ve shaked my had and tapped my foot so many times they feel like separate entities to my body I have my self pins and needles and slapped my desk to regain feeling to my hands I am a ball of nervous energy . At four hours I loose it i text him “I need to ask you something”.When I receive no reply for thirty minutes  my friends start counting down and peer pressure happens without thinking of what happens if he picks up I call him beep beep ——- the phone is put down . In an instance I feel the world fall down around me I know that sounds so dramatic and most of you are shaking your heads and putting whispering cliche teenager dissaprovingly under your breaths but in that moment . I felt it . it’s like when you get caught doing something as a little kid ,or when someone repeats something you said that they weren’t meant to hear , or a phone call late at night and you know nothing good can come of it.The wait for him to respond was a rollercoaster and I had reached the top. I cry to my friends other face time it didn’t look good he could surely assume what was coming and as soon as he saw it it would get around.They try to convince me his phone was dead but that doesn’t explain the initial beeps .

I am defeated the rest  of my friends have long since left  as the hours are growing later.Early for  Was and just as I’m ready to go to bed or more accurately sit and watch particle fall for 8hours ,because how do you sleep after that?I go through all my messages one more time .. He has responded .Our conversations goes roughly as follows

Rose:I need to ask you something

Him:what

Rose:swear you won’t tell

Him:what is it

Rose: *insert more I’ve spent the note five hours obsessing over here *

Rose :It think I already know the answer

Him: And that is

Rose:No???????

Him:I don’t know  what to say

Rose :I don’t think I would

Him:it’s not too surprising but still(side track what in the actual hell does it’s not too surprising mean dose he think his some kind of atractivness God or am I really that obvious )

Rose:yeah it did come out of the blue

Him: ya think

Me:Just don’t tell anyone okay even if you say no I wont be hurt won’t

Him:I am a lost voice

well go over the answer in the next part .I also told Georgia but that also takes a long time and for what was meant to be two parts may soon become five .I understand most of you are older than me because for some reason there isn’t exactly an influx of teenagers reading aspergers blogs on WordPress so this is probably teenage nonsense to you so if you enjoy me writing about this please leave a comment so I know that I’m not boring all of you lovely non existent readers also let me know if there is anything you want to hear my view on because I have some ideas but it would be great to know what you actually find interesting I’m going to go because it’s getting later and later see you in my next instalment of this train wreck -Rose X

 

Rejection 2 the back story revisited

Okay so that last part was getting long .I’m going to have to split this into..well I don’t know the draft looks four parts but I don’t know the other parts will also most likely go up today.So with our further addue here is part two (what is this doctor Seuss )

Right back to where we were we’ll get you keyed up on the context so I’m going to introduce you to the people in going to talk about and then give a brief time line.

Georgia

Georgia is OBSESSED with him.She called what was essentially public dibs on him on a school trip and the rest is history.I hear you oh so non existent readers so what she’s not even close to him rose so what some girl likes him …. well I made really close friends with her .Just to elaborate on the obsession her BFF Lola jokingly said she was pregnant with his kid(don’t you just wish you could bleach your mind) she said she liked the name Maisie the baby shower would be orange- his favourite colour -and I quote the baby would have his sexy and his sexy tan and his sexy smile then I left the table to grab my book  and when I came back she said it was  goood I do not want to know the contents of that conversation.Like Georgia  i doubt you were even wearing a real bra yet calm yourself (I know I said it was doctor  Seuss but this is turning Louise rennison  real quick)

Ella-may

She convinced me to put me first for once and do if I wanted to because Georgia doesn’t give up as I write this she’s asked him out four times.She convinced me not to just sit back and get hurt

Courtney

Georgia’s close friend at my confidant she kept me Sane through out this process.Georgia and I are just as close to her so she felt a little guilty and I briefly thought she  told them it was my turn to be guilty she’s been so great .

Sandra

Thank God she was around she was the only one who could comfort me due in my mini panic attacks and she helped me through the after math .I  would have ran of a cliff by now if it wasn’t for her

Milly

Thought it would be fun to watch .If you’re a sadist then she was right .Just kidding she was great too.

Jade

My childhood friend I hadn’t seen in ages was there to make me laugh .She succeeded at her job

Timeline

September 2017                                                                                      I meet him in all his nerdy  haloness .

Early October 2017                                                                                I definitely like him now every time  i can’t sleep I wait up till 11:11and wish for him to like me

Early October  2017 to January.                                                           He is my closest guy friends not tell him all my secrets close but I f we sit  boy girl I always go straight to him we hang out at break on occasion

January 2018

I make friends with Georgia a little

May 2018                                                                                                  Georgia happens he is now called dibs upon

I’m not sure where to fit this in  because it goes in with a lot of the others   march – late May  flirt mania he catches my eye across class rooms and smiles pulls faces at me during register so I’ll laugh he’ll just do anything to make me laugh .Some people genuinely thought we were dating on the sly ….I wish .I was briefly convinced he was gonna ask me out but it just wasn’t going to happen

April to late May.                                                                                   Michelle is Michelle i don’t feel like laughing so I ignore him after breaks and in lessons were Michelle is also in our class i feel bad but he won’t leave it so I snap .Eventually I always give in and laugh but sometimes he won’t joke with me for weeks at a time .

June ?

I tell Courtney at first I didn’t want to but peer pressure happened so I told her and she was fine with it.

~Summer holidays ~

I thought I’d get over it heads up I didnt

I become closer and closer to  Georgia

I decide to ask him out by January 2019 you’ll find out why this can’t happen soon

I start to construct the type of notes I want to give to him none of them are good but I don’t really care much

I obsessively discuss every possible situation with Sandra I spend most of my summer thinking of his jawline I can’t help it .

~Summer holidays over ~

September 2018.                                                                                 He says he’s leaving in May …safe to say I am not best impressed to learn this

Late September 2018 my plan is ready i will do it the day before the October holidays start that way he has one day to respond in person of he wants  .I have my note. If you read the previous part you know what happened to Isla  I’m worried it will be the same this way if he says  notes only got  a day to spread it before we have two weeks of he’s still going on about it then he’s going to look sad not me that also means I have two weeks to move on . If he says he’s we have four months before we have to decide weather or not to break up when he moved He is a bit big  headed times he likes to talk about how many girls liked him in scared I will join this list. I don’t want for him to tell Georgia and hurt her but it’s a chance I will have to take or I’ll never move on i just have to bite the bullet and do it . I m going to face time all the friends I mentioned before minus Georgia so that I have people around when I inevitably get rejected which I already anticipated.

October 11th

When the plan was first out to fever I started a count down it is now a week till I do it I scream SEVEN DAYS KILL ME NOW ar any given opportunity  it’s true I would’ve rather died there and then .(coincidentally the 11th is also my birthday )

October 13th                                                                                           At a friends birthday party she talks about another girl who asks him out and how she wouldn’t have been as hurt if she’s said something before doing it .Not that she should need permission he’s not even hers. Anyway I decide to tell her after I do it before he does .I find a loop hole so she won’t be as mad I only tell him I like him I never ask him if he likes me or if he’ll go out with me that way of we end up dating it his fault .(great reasoning )

18th of October well I suppose we’ll find out

thanks for reading guys I’m going to upload more soon I’m sorry if this isn’t your kind of  thing this probably seem s childish and so cheesy honestly I will probably want to slap my self when I look back on this but don’t we all get embarrassed by our last selves everyone reading this most likely thinks it’s stupid that I turned this into a military operation but autism plus and nerves don’t go well they create an avalanche of anxiety so I had to plan so that  I wouldn’t back out..My life has become something out of a romcom honestly any way I hope to see you soon good bye my lovely non existent readers – Rose X