Sorry its been a while my oh so lovely non existent readers, how could I own an autism blog without mentioning the dreaded sensory overload.
As an autistic female I don’t overload as much as most boys do I tend to wait till I get home and have one twice as violent lock my self in my bedroom and throw things at walls .(charming I know) My main causes are generally as follows 1 the existence of other people eg crowded places or egotistical idiots thinking they’re better than every one else (A.K.A ninety percent of my school)2 Noise 3 this kind of relates to one but people expecting me to behave normally the moment some one drops the n word (no not that one get your mind out of the gutter!) I either accidentally-or purposely depending on who’s asking- do the opposite and drive myself other the deep end for not being a functioning human … I suppose it my normal …? Why don’t we go over some of my overloads. I just love going on trips down emotional trau… MEMORY lane.
No grease just no melt down.
This is one of my rare out of nowhere screw this meltdowns in food tech we had to use our bare hands for sausage meat .I was struggling with it have problems with texture. But I made it through though most of my mates were taking the mickey because when I touched it and since I don’t like grease I physically recoiled and almost took a stool with me .They were just messing about, in my school they split classes into two for catering I got the best half of my class and there’s no one I completely refuse to talk to in there in fact I quite enjoy it . After washing my hands in between each step looking like a mannequin with all the blood drained from my face and having a look on my face as if a convicted serial killer had just entered the room I was relieved to get the anxiety off my shoulders and stat to clean up . It was fine or so I thought . My friend (well name him Jayson )said “Rose- almost wrote my real name then- you go do the washing up” .I told him I was cleaning the table so he made a start I said I would dry and then he was like you have do some too and I said things like you don’t understand I cant … he called me a wimp and I lost it. I had a crying fit in the middle of class every on was asking me if it was okay and saying it was fine all my friends were hugging me even some of the boys hugged me (it didn’t help I don’t like being touched) and I walked out the room he apologised were fine, still not my greatest moment.
The screw you Michelle argument/meltdown
Guess whose back back, back again gain. Who remembers Michelle from my first post well she’s back and just as obnoxious. To tell this one im going to have to give you a bit of background but ill try to do it quick for once:
- remember my friend James well he got picked on by a scumbag of a person named erm Ronald
- Ronald decided that by standing up for him I was therefore his girlfriend and he and his army of minions or the prick patrol as Jayson calls them need to bug me too .
- I have a track record for disagreeing with the popular look at mes im so perfects from my school so they hate me or they hate me by association occasionally they might be nice to me though they most likely have ulterior motives .
- some how it works out in my school that 60 percent of them are popular which is probably really bad structure for a hierarchy but would I know I’m just a peasant with no friends .(yes I know I sound salty )
- Francis is the leader even though he is a rampant chauvinist with severe attitude problems and a repulsion to all lgbtq+ people and has a special spot in the underworld reserved for him.
and were up to speed. So I try to tell Michelle who was ranting about her new dog her only notable personality trait besides being obnoxious is loving dogs probably because she is one (Ill stop being salty now.) that Ronald followed me Jayson James and our other friend Laura home threatening to punch Jason for not apologising for insulting him and one of the little rats billy also lives down my street is going “Do it now there’s nothing she can do about it” because they all know full well I am double their strength . I tell her he’s bullying me she looks me in the eyes and rolls her eyes I wanted to launch my self at her but I stay still as she drones on about how he’s actually quite funny . I let it slip till the next day (maybe three days at most) Francis who id already argued with before walks up to me and my group and starts saying things like are your all sat next to each other are you lesbians oi lads I think rose and her friends are lezzers so I tell him I’m not his response to that is oh yeah your having it on with Jayson and James look its the little albino who stuck her middle finger up at as last time ( he was referring to my friend Ella-may who is indeed very pale but not albeenoe as the un educated clown said it) then they just start spouting abuse at me .While all this is happening Michelle seems to have for gotten her ” bestie” emphasis on the air quotes is being insulted and is laughing along and smiling . reminiscent of the first story I told her she was being a idiot stormed off-my best friend Sandra in toe-burst in to tears in the toilet while people were staring at me and just my luck some one in my class sees and questioned me about it I swear to god I should’ve slapped her that day.
the 3 2 1 incident
Back story remember the nod I made to punching some one in my second post that is this story . Lets do this quickly shall we Oprah is easily the least pleasant person I know she has been since reception might I add her hobbies include making fake social media accounts of people using money to wiggle her way in to cliques my clique (well if you can call it that I’m not exactly happy there but whatever ) and generally just ruining lives for sport much like the last story she makes fun of me since I was a goody two shoes before and didn’t ever swear it sends people in a state of shock I swore at her majesty the royal highness and minions a taken aghast I say I know you don’t have a brain but please don’t tell me you lost your ears too she says I doo have ears and you doo too and yanks my ear I tell her touch me one more time and see what happens female dog -except my choice of words were more … profane . They follow me home pretending to touch me fast forward no more than two weeks I go to tutor to grab my pe kit she pokes me 3 times hard I elbow her harder on my way out and say I said don’t touch me I wish you lost your hands and not your brain. The retard that is Stanley eggs her on she pokes me . This part is mostly blacked out but in 3 2 1 I snap and go for her elbow her in the ribs as hard as possible she has her hands out fun fact I’m standing at the top of a tower four flights up with currently boarded up panels at the bottoms of the windows because of construction. If she was to push me I would go through it .She takes one step closer I punch her twice I must have ran because I remember my friend Sandra saying come back up Mrs last name wants you and I got up she is standing smugly thinking I’m going to get in trouble I get called to a senior members office in tears one of my class mates is in the room staring at me I’m hyperventilating Oprahs standing there emotionless Stanley gets called in and … I get of scot free thanks to Mrs.Last name . I managed to get Stanley out of it and he still treats me like trash to this day what a fun story … at least I haven’t had to deal with her again.
thank you for reading I might not post for a while as I’m going to be up north Monday to Sunday so if I do write it will be done from my laggy (back at again with non existent words for my non existent readers on my half functioning blog) old tablet so my writing might have a lot more mistakes than usual bye non existent readers -Rose X
PS I found some really cool art that is pretty much an illustration of my feelings and I wanna share them with you.